Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
