Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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