So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
