i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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