NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
