i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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