You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
