Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
