dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
