I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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