Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
