Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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