I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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