Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The uberlube is also flammable
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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