I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
