Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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