I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
