NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
