ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
my liver is dry heaving
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
