i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
