you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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