Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
