next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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