i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize