She went from zero to smokin in five shots
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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