What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
