Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
