Can i not drive my cunt home
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
