i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
