I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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