I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
