I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
