I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
