blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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