why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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