Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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