How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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