you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
