No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
