Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
