I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize