i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You left your phone here
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