Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
