you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
