my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
