Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize