Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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