my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
