maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
