oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
