She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
