I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
