I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
