Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
