I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize