Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
