Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
