i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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