You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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