I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
someone owes me an orgasm
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
