he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
