Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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