my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
