my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize