her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
