Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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