this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
