there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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