What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
