What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
