i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
