did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
