I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
