Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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