I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
