my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
