Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Shame - the story of my life.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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