There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
