What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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