I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
