I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you would pick up someone in the library
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
