It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Also, beer. Big fan.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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