I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
This house was built for laser tag.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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