So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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