I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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