I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
