I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
