: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you had me at cake vodka
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You pole danced in your parka.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
