WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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