Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
