i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
