I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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