you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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