bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just high enough for therapy.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
