I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
