You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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