I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
