I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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