He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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