glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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