I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
