I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Sober January is a disaster.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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