lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
