Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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