Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
