Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
