Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
