He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
