In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize