Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he wants to bone in the snuggie
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
