My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
