How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
